You are my Queen Nefertari, my beautiful companion, my friend for life.
When I had reached rock bottom, the depths of loneliness and sadness and despair, you saved me. You were there for me. You gave me hope. You were strong and caring and compassionate, but direct and truthful. After that call I was still hurting and bruised and battered but I was saved, I was alive. You were the defibrillator that restarted my heart and gave me hope.
Later when you phoned me again it was a surprise, a nice very unexpected surprise. I heard the excitement in your voice and we chatted and laughed. It was the second moment of clarity that day. I knew at that moment that I could not turn my back on you or our friendship for a moment longer. I had been selfish in thinking of my hurt and pain and needs and wants, not selfless in thinking of the help and support and friendship that I could provide you. I was on the mend, friends forever, life was slowly improving, even a little smile and some hope.
Or so I thought ....
Then suddenly something changed, I don't know what. It was as if I had passed the baton of sadness and despair over to you. It happened so quickly and before I knew it, before I could speak to you, and help you and be there for you, you were gone.
There is no-one else, there is only you. I haven't moved on. The glimmer of my old self that you saw was all down to you and no-one else. It was down to your patience and kindness and unwavering care and compassion and understanding.
And now in your time of sadness and loneliness and emptiness I'm not there for you, I can't find you and I feel so helpless. Whatever has happened and whatever you are thinking, I beg you to stop and to look at this ankh and remember and believe in unconditional love. Don't listen to dark thoughts, to that gremlin on your shoulder but look for that warm blanked that I am holding open for you. I am here for you, always, forever.